Not being able to have sex is frustrating

Dear Bunmi,

I’m 29 and single and I have no luck with men. I recently met someone who came on relief duty to the head office of the company I work with and there was an instant attraction. We saw each other every day and became very close.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard we tried to make love, we were unable to.

It doesn’t matter how many times I try, I can’t do it. This is so frustrating for me and the men I meet.

This man has now gone back to his old office without saying goodbye, which has made me feel depressed. I am off men for now because I don’t want to disappoint them. What can I do to solve this problem?

Tiwa, by e-mail.

 

Dear Tiwa,

Sex should be a pleasure – never an ordeal. Instead of plunging into a sexual relationship with a man, first get to know him as a friend. This will allow your trust in him to grow. As your relationship deepens and you both feel ready to have sex for the first time, confide in him that you’re a virgin and that until now sex has not been possible. Simply admitting your frustration to a man, and sensing his

acceptance and his desire to please you, will help you to relax.

You have found this a problem because your muscles have tensed to block an intrusion. When you sense that a man will be patient and not reject you, love- making will seem easier and less threatening. The joy of sex will soon be yours.

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